Skip to main content

Life of a Modern Hoodoo; a Tale a la Raymond Chandler

witch practicing magic online spells

It was another day in the life of the online hoodoo spell lady. She sat before her computer, staring at the screen, her inbox beckoning her. She knew the drill - the first task of the day was always to check her emails. A couple of spell inquiries were waiting, each vying for her attention. 

The first inquiry, however, made her heart sink. She knew it was the worst kind - the kind that demanded reassurance. The kind that would make her promise the impossible. She had warned people about this, but it seemed like nobody paid any attention. It was a woman this time, seeking a spell to make a man give her more of his time, sex, and conversation. The catch? She wanted to know if it was going to work. 

The online hoodoo spell lady sighed. She knew that success was a tricky thing, especially when it came to people wanting "more" of something. She crafted an honest response, but deep down, she knew that it would only discourage or confuse the woman further. Nevertheless, she hit the send button, hoping for the best. But in her gut, she knew that the woman would keep searching, looking for a scam artist who promised the world. After all, they were everywhere, lurking in the shadows, ready to prey on the desperate and the gullible. The online hoodoo spell lady shook her head. She knew that in this business, the line between magic and trickery was razor-thin. 

Casting a spell is like aiming an arrow at an invisible target. Even if you hit it, you can't convince anyone else of the victory. That's why most of the legit practitioners of magic hesitated to make guarantees of success even in the modern age of "customer satisfaction". Successful rituals were often marred by unmet expectations. And when it comes to proving the effectiveness of a spell, magic is scientifically unproven. 

The spell lady replied by email, stating as much. A few minutes later the prospective client wrote back, saying she didn't understand the reply. The spell lady sighed, and typing slowly with one hand while working the mouse in the other, endeavored to break it all down into nice little chewable sections for her: the spell might work, but even if it did, she might not be happy with the results. The potential wrote back with still more questions and explanations of her situation, wanting concrete answers and promises. But already the spell lady could tell: she's not going to be a client; even if she decides she wants the services, it's better to turn down a client than to deal with somebody who's got two hundred bucks worth of false expectations. 

“I don't peddle miracles,” she wrote. “My spells are as potent as any other sorcerer's, but I don't make promises I can't keep. I won't paint a picture of rainbows and unicorns just to lure you in. The truth is, magic is not a magic wand that grants your every whim. It's a tool, like any other, with its own limitations and conditions. Some spellcasters might sell you a fairy tale and promise you the moon, but I won't deceive you with false hopes. I'll tell it like it is, plain and simple. If you want a spell to work, you have to put in the effort and believe in it. You can't just sit back and wait for miracles to happen. Magic is not a substitute for hard work or common sense. It's a supplement, a catalyst, a spark that ignites the fire of change. 

“So, if you want a spell that works, come to me. I won't promise you the world, but I'll give you a fighting chance. I'll do my best, and that's all anyone can do. The rest is up to fate, destiny, or whatever you want to call it.” 

And in the end, the potential client went to a scammer who promised her the moon with a big red bow on it, and got taken for every dime she had. To say that the spell lady didn’t care would be untrue; but neither was she surprised. 


END.
Want professional spellcasting? Visit Hoodoo Online for services, or browse my books on Amazon.

Popular posts from this blog

Paper-in-Shoe Spells

A popular and very traditional hoodoo spell, often used for any situation where you need to control someone with magic , is the namepaper-in-shoe spell. It's very easy: you write the target's name 3, 7, or 9 times on a paper (depending on intent and who's giving instruction) then fold it up, sometimes after dressing it with oils or powders, then put it in your shoe. This "keeps the person underfoot" or "stomps out the trouble" or "puts pressure on them" or any other number of metaphors. I have had this work several times over the years. In one instance, I was working for a very unpleasant boss, on a short-term job. It was the last day, and I only had about 3 hours of work left on the project; and I wanted him to up my pay for the day since it almost wasn't worth the trip across town for the amount he was paying me, for only 3 hours. He was very reluctant. So I wrote his name 3 times on a 5-dollar bill he'd given me, and dusted it...

Ammonia - A Spiritual Cleansing Agent for Magick

Ammonia is a strong cleansing agent in hoodoo magick, both physically and spiritually. In Edwardian times it was advised as an old home remedy for a nerve tonic (see recipe below.)  "Household ammonia" or "ammonium hydroxide" is a solution of NH3 in water. Household ammonia ranges in concentration from 5 to 10 weight percent ammonia. The Romans called the ammonium chloride deposits they collected from near the Temple of Amun (Greek Ἄμμων Ammon) in ancient Libya 'sal ammoniacus' (salt of Amun) because of proximity to the nearby temple of Amun, the chief god of ancient Thebes. Salts of ammonia have been known from very early times; thus the term Hammoniacus sal appears in the writings of Pliny, although it is not known whether the term is identical with the more modern sal-ammoniac (ammonium chloride). In the form of sal-ammoniac (nushadir) ammonia was important to the Muslim alchemists as early as the 8th century, first mentioned by the arab chemist...

Spiritual Use of Turpentine in Hoodoo and Witchcraft

  I have posted in the past about the use of giving one's bedding a spiritual cleansing from time to time.  I recently was laundering my pillows in the same load of laundry as some turpentine-soaked rags, with the result that the pillows emerged from the wash reeking of turpentine.  From a magical perspective, this may not be a bad thing. Turpentine is used in old-time hoodoo rituals for purposes such as uncrossing, protection and sometimes as a feed for mojo bags. Its solvent powers and strong odor do indeed suggest a powerful spiritual cleansing agent, and it is still used in some modern day cleaning products on a purely practical level for these same reasons.  Old time medicines sometimes included turpentine as a thing to drink, in small doses. A book from the 1850s, The Domestic Medicine Chest , recommends giving it to children in a dose of one teaspoon for killing tapeworm. Relatedly, in old time hoodoo cures for "live things" turpentine might be made into a tea...

Magical Water Recipes - Old Style Hoodoo, Real and Genuine Magic Spells from History

Hoodoo Style Magical Waters for Magic In hoodoo tradition, some of the oldest and most traditional ingredients are natural gathered waters. While cologne and perfume is sometimes classed as a water for conjure purposes, special waters are based on water, sometimes taken from a specific location. They can have additional ingredients added, but the magic is generally held to be in the water itself. They've become a little less common since the rise of commercial hoodoo, perhaps due to manufacturer's tendency to sell any old tap water as "alleged glory water" or whatever it's labeled; and also there is difficulty in shipping liquids like water that aren't inherent in somewhat thicker mixtures like soaps or oils. (For example, a bottle of oil won't evaporate if left out too long.)  Here's a list of some traditional hoodoo magical waters and how to make them: Glory Water Glory Water is a recipe I did not include in my Conjure Cookbook , as it's not ...

The Intranquil Spirit

(EDIT: Up to date information about the Intranquil Sprit can be found in my book  The Intranquil Spirit , available on Amazon.  This post has some incomplete information which is clarified in the book.) The Intranquility spell is, unfortunately, the first resort of many a rejected lover. In some ways it makes sense -- the more unhappy and forlorn one is about a breakup, the better this idea of making the other partner feel just as much so starts to sound. Unfortunately, this spell is often not well suited to a case. The purpose of the standard Intranquility spell is to have the person be tormented by the spirit until they make contact with you, or whomever the spell is being cast for. This means that if a person is already in good contact with their ex OR if they're one of those people who cannot restrain themselves from initiating contact, then this already is probably not the right spell for that case. If you've had an Intranquility spell cast and you make contac...